Psycho Chick and the Hit Parade Mike Long and Chris Bishop Our (anti)heroes continue mainlining pure caffeine in the quest for States tech. Bad for the heart, but Chris can type 400 words per minute after eating a full tin of Penguin mints. Which is nice. On with the show: Chris: Psycho Chick and the Hit Parade? Sounds like Prince's new protégés. Or is "Psycho Chick" the silver bullet for Standard? Mike: Both! Well, okay, neither. But it sure beats the snot out of control. If you expect mostly "Count Finkula" at the top tables, here's your deck: "Psycho Chick" 4 Braids, Cabal Minion (the Psycho Chick, aka "Miss Abyss") 4 Shivan Zombie 3 Blazing Specter 4 Ravenous Rats ("Money Rats") 3 Flametongue Kavu 2 Pyre Zombie 4 Stone Rain 4 Pillage 4 Shock 2 Terminate 2 Yawgmoth's Agenda 3 Shadowblood Ridge 4 Shivan Oasis 4 Sulfurous Springs 1 Barbarian Ring 6 Mountain 6 Swamp Sideboard Suggestions:Price of Glory*, Slay*, Flametongue Kavu, Eastern Paladin, Void, Dodecapod, Mortivore, Terminate, Execute, Meekstone, Western Paladin, Cremate, Do or Die (vs. White Weenie, maybe u-g Opposition), Emblazoned Golem, Phyrexian Scuta. Chris: This may sound nuts, but if I play "Psycho Chick" at States, I sit down, shuffle, and ask my first round opponent how he runs versus control. If he answers "good", I offer a draw right there on the spot. Then I chew my way through slow decks to the Top 8. Mike: That's so crazy it just... might... work. See, "Psycho Chick" uses mana efficiently to work down your opponent's board and hand, then drops Braids, Cabal Minion for an Abyss lock. She is mean, no doubt about it. It's kind of easy to win when the other guy has no permanents. Chris: The synergy between Miss Abyss and Pyre Zombie is sweet, and she loves snacking on Ravenous Rats too. Most importantly, you can make fun of crazy ex-girlfriends when you drop Braids. You know, like the one who used to drip candle wax on herself... and you... or the one who made an eight-inch lint sphere from your carpet tufts... Mike: (laughs) No comment. Ummm, so anyway, I was surprised how often "money rats" snag a good card when a race for permanents is on. Eight two-drops are clutch. Chris: Yup, and Shivan Zombie is quite the metagame call. He laughs at Vindicate, walks right past a Spectral Lynx, and blocks Shadowmage Infiltrator all day long. Flametongue Kavu is an answer for Call of the Herd and Finkel. A fourth would be great, but the mana curve is heavy at four, and Specters are straight pain versus u-g opposition and Count Finkula. Yawgmoth's Agenda gives the deck Braids recursion and staying power when she's off painting her nails black and listening to The Cure at the bottom of the deck. Mike: Nothing wrong with recasting a few Pillages and Stone Rains. Chris: Mainly on plains in Spain. And we'd be cruel not to mention that Psycho Chick is white weenie's favorite opponent. Especially if they add red for removal and Goblin Trenches. Mike: Not to mention blue for Galina's Knight and Meddling Mage. She's no fan of Price's red-green fatty deck either, though you have a lot more play there, especially after boarding some tasty Hibernations and a Meekstone or two. Chris: Psycho Chick is a metagame call for sure. Still, Braids is amazing, so we worked up another to see if she could take control and aggro. Check out "Zombie Grrl": "Zombie Grrl" 4 Braids, Cabal Minion 4 Shadowmage Infiltrator 4 Nightscape Familiar 4 Flametongue Kavu 2 Shivan Zombie 2 Vodalian Zombie 1 Pyre Zombie 1 Blazing Specter 4 Fire/Ice 4 Recoil 2 Repulse 2 Tainted Pact 2 Terminate 1 Void 1 Yawgmoth's Agenda 3 Urborg Volcano 3 Sulfurous Springs 2 Shadowblood Ridge 4 Shivan Reef 3 Salt Marsh 3 Underground River 2 Darkwater Catacombs 1 Crosis's Catacombs 1 Mountain 1 Island 2 Swamp Sideboard Suggestions: see above, plus Hibernation & Wash Out Chris: Life is compromise, and this version compromises power over control for versatility against beatdown. It plays better against white weenie and r-g beats first game, and Hibernation is pure evil for the r-g or u-g mage from the board (Wash Out or Execute versus white). Still no silver bullet though... Mike: Maybe Wash Out main deck if blue-green, white, and red-green look big in your area. Be sure to tweak the mana for any changes you make. We could call it an article right here, but we've a couple more interesting Braids ideas stirring around. Keep in mind these are works in progress, and you can wind them tighter with time at the playtest table. Next up is "Bitter Chick", a beatdown/sweeper version. Spitty the Plague Spitter pops out and goes crazy on Birds and Elves and Squirrels and Lynxes, but watch you don't zap your own two-toughness stuff when he dies. It's a lot of fun to sweep up with Pernicious Deed, and then drop the bitter chick to chew on what's left of your opponent's board. "Bitter Chick" 3 Shivan Zombie 4 Plague Spitter 3 Braids, Cabal Minion 2 Flametongue Kavu 2 Spiritmonger 4 Call of the Wild 3 Duress 3 Shock 3 Terminate 3 Tainted Pact 3 Urza's Rage 3 Pernicious Deed 4 Shivan Oasis 2 Urborg Volcano 2 Shadowblood Ridge 4 Karplusan Forest 4 Llanowar Wastes 1 Darigaaz's Caldera 5 Swamp 2 Forest Chris: Last up is "Poser Chick", the closest thing to "ole-skewl" Necropotence since they banned the skull. It may or may not have the metagame goods, but it's cool nonetheless: "Poser Chick" aka "Faux Necro" 4 Braids, Cabal Minion (Disk/The Abyss) 4 Spectral Lynx (Black Knight) 4 Putrid Warrior (Pump Knight) 2 Emblazoned Golem (Steel Golem) 1 Desolation Angel (Sengir Vampire) 4 Phyrexian Arena (Necropotence) 3 Duress (Duress - well, we don't have to replace EVERYTHING) 4 Gerard's Verdict (Hymn to Tourach) 4 Vindicate (Strip Mine, etc.) 2 Befoul (Choking Sands) 3 Death Grasp (Drain Life) 4 Caves of Kolios 11 Swamp 10 Plains Mike: The mana is sketch, might die to fatties with trample, but it's still a tight build (and mulligan friendly.) Gerrard's Verdict, Putrid Warrior and Death Grasp fire up the Arena; Braids clears off Arenas when you are done with them; six land destruction makes a difference with turbo draw plus Braids (and all six kill a creature if the LD won't cut it.) Classic Necro style: work their hand and land, outdraw 'em, cheap threats to block or attack, big Drain Lifes and a fatty for the kill. Chris: Comments? Questions? Outraged interjections? Send 'em to me or mike. Mike:Y'all so uptight Ya chew the white off the rice Seven snap from the gat To red circular stripes. So loosen ya tie That ya brain don't explode, And hit the pause button till the next episode. Chris: Translating to the Queen's English, my erstwhile "dawg" (comrade) here signifies: "prithee, be not impatient, for verily we have provided seven feasible constructs targeted at the Magic: the Gathering State Championships a double fortnight hence. If you would only be so gracious as to forestall your covetousness, we shall be overjoyed to limn a portrait of said target for your overarching prognostic benefit come part the third." Mike: (folds arms across chest) Word.